Grace as process

Ok, so a lot has obviously been written within these pages about the subject of grace (I mean it is the purpose of this whole thing). But recently I've been thinking more and more about the idea of grace as a transformative agent in our lives. What I mean is this: grace is more than just an extension of God's love to us situationally, it is more than just an experience by experience ability granted to us by God to overcome, it is more than just a flash in the pan moment of divine sovreignity that delivers us from...whatever. No, I think that Grace is the power to change. More than that, grace is the time laden process whereby God draws us closer to himself and HIS purpose for our life.

Let's take Saul/Paul for example. Here was a man who rather blatantly and openly persecuted the church of Christ. Scripture is replete with his retelling of how he had a hand in, or often directed the hand that brought about the death of countless believers. Along comes God on a road to what was probably a further inquisition of followers of Christ (yes, the Bible *is* silent about why Saul was going to Damascus, but since he was the chief persecutor, is it really that far of a stretch to believe that's why he was going), and Saul's life becomes radically changed and he begins to espouse the very same things he once ridiculed and sought to destroy. The question becomes, what was grace in that story? It's easy to see how the road to Damascus experience was God stepping into the realm of Paul's existence to confront him with salvation, but what about the times leading up to that? Do the moments when he was part of the attempted destruction of the church count as grace? I would venture to say yes.

What do I mean by that? Paul's persecuting was a part of his story, and it's the reason the latter portion of it is so powerful. Paul's choosing to deny Christ was necessary in order for his ultimate acceptance of Christ to carry its truest and weightiest value. In short, grace was being shown to Paul by allowing him to thumb his nose at what he would ultimately embrace because it could serve as the fuel for his vigor in winning "the lost" to Christ. Sure, the Damascus road was the catalyst, but all the time leading up to that moment would later serve as the fuel to keep the momentary experience going strong and that much more effective.

So, what's my point? Your hard times are grace because they are ultimately a part of a narrative that is much greater than what you currently find yourself mired in. No, that doesn't mean that you should just roll over and accept whatever negative things come your way as being "part of God's plan," but it does mean that you should realize that it is part of a story still unfolding. It has been said that the kingdom of God is "now and still not yet," meaning that God is simultaneously present in our current circumstances as well as the future when those circumstances change because He is outside of time. So look forward, and know that all that we face now is a part of the victory we attain when we take hold of that "prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus."

Pursue. Original. And Merry Christmas.

Weighed Down

I have been weighed down with a ton of thoughts and emotions swirling around during the past 24 hours.

Recently, someone that used to be very close to me (not a former significant other...so don't go there), contacted me with a Christmas card that had nothing more than the preprinted message, their signature, and a phone number. I called the phone number (twice) and there was no answer. I am not sure what I was going to say or ask...I just dialed.

Suffice it to say that this person and I said and did some awful things to one another through the course of our relationship. Many hurts and pains have been experienced on both sides of this relationship.

My question is simple, how do I handle this reconnection with the grace that God has given me for today?

Of course, this question begs dozens of others: How do I practice what I preach (literally)? Do I welcome the individual with open arms neglecting what I know about the past? Do I connect them with my current family with so much lack of detailed information and uncertainty of truth revolving around the past events of their life? Am I being selfish or cautious by not wanting my family connected with wreckage that could come about if history repeats itself? After almost 2 decades of absence, why now? Do I shake the dust off my feet or do I throw a party (speaking figuratively of the Gospels of course)? I could go on ad infinitum...but won't.

Here is all I really know in the moment:

There is no doubt that I have amends to make...
There is no doubt that I have forgiveness to offer...
There is no doubt that grace will guide if I let it...

I wonder what you all do in situations like this. I am quite certain that I am not the only one that has experienced this, so let me know about your encounters with grace through reconciled (or unreconciled) relationships.

I look forward to hearing (reading) your stories of experience, strength and hope...for me, that would be grace enough for today.

The man without fear!!!

A close friend of mine told me yesterday that, among the many thoughts turning around in her head about this coming year and what it would bring, there was a distinct undercurrent of fear. I didn't understand this, so I urged her to continue on. What would she be doing this time next year? Would she be alive? Would she be happy? Would she be closer to God or further away? Would her life be significant? These are all valid questions that I think most people ask (oddly enough, I wouldn't think to ask but 1 of them...and that I ask every day. Bonus points if you can guess which one), but is fear the default position for the people that entertain these questions? I mean...they say that people fear what they do not understand and I guess that makes a degree of sense, but how much really? Why bother being afraid of something (your life) that needs you as much as you need it? Why should life seem threatening when our end means its own as well? If anything, the mystery of life seems to me inviting, albeit challenging.

I realized something about the nature of my fear - I'm not afraid of what I don't know and cannot possibly know. If anything, I'm afraid of what I could know but don't find out, opting instead to be comfortably horrified by whatever "worst possible case" assumptions I make. In other words, I've identified two areas of unknown in my life: that which I could not definitively, completely know, regardless of how hard I tried and those things for which it would cost "too much" to come outside of myself to find out. The latter is crippling: it limits human interaction, stifles praise in the midst of struggle or pain, and enslaves the mind/soul over time. Ugly stuff! So, I think I've found my New Din's resolution: stop feeding the fearful side of not knowing!!! Come outside (of myself) more often!!! Now don't get it twisted! I've no plans of shunning my Christianity to embrace an "open to everything in the world" theology. I'm talking about a purposeful, guided by the Holy Spirit, examination of the things I've done through the years to limit my growth by embracing fear...and then, I'm going to ball them all up and slingshot them out of my life. I want to be a modern day example of what a soul winning Christian looks like without fear. God grant me grace for the journey!!!

As for my friend, yeah, I'm taking her along with me. No one left behind. Ha! Chilly Ciao ya'll.

I Need Grace

The last few months have been very trying for me. It's funny how seeing the very things your heart desires begin to come to pass can bring with it so many opportunities to look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are unseen. I've been busy. Too busy. And I need a break. I need grace. I need space. I just need to be. I want to be really happy right now and share everything about the recording that I just began last week. But, I must admit, I'm weary in soul. Don't get me wrong. My heart and my eyes are fixed on Jesus. It's just that their are many things that are trying to pass before my eyes in an attempt to distract and just flat out blind me. It's just that way right now. But I do know that the grace of our Lord is ever present. Thank You Jesus. 

So I'll take the time the I need and the space that I need. I'll use my imagination and travel back to the Adriatic Sea and once again let the Lord restore my soul. I'll trust Him to help me to once again love the ones that around me with the same passion that I'm being loved with. 

Be not weary in well doing for in due season you shall reap if you faint not. Let it be so.

Kelbert

Grace in Provision

My wife got laid off from her job today...I am not sure that either of us are completely surprised. I am sure that the timing is awful (a ministry organization laying off 2 weeks before Christmas?), but there really is no great time to be laid off.

It is interesting to me that this is the second time that we have faced this issue since our arrival in East Texas almost 4 years ago. Did we not learn what we were supposed to the last time (read this with some sarcasm)? I don't know. Thankfully, we have a roof over our heads, a freezer full of food, our Christmas shopping is done (and paid for I might add!), and we still have some income coming in.

So, just for today, grace is in God's provision right here, right now...and in the hope of God's continual provision. God really is good, all the time and all the time, God really is good.

Safe Again

At 5:33 a.m. this morning, there were several flashes of lightning that lit up the house, turning dark ever so briefly into daylight. Accompanying the light show that was over and around us was the roaring clap of thunder...a sound so loud and so close that it literally awoke me from a dead sleep and rattled the very walls of the house where we live.

Moments later the pager goes off. What is it this time? A wreck? A downed tree? I fumble for the pager and push the button to discover that the light show that we had just participated in had left its mark on a house just up the road. Dressed and out the door, I make the short half mile drive to our station #1 and suit up.

Our station and the engine that I am on are the first on the scene. We do our initial check, check in with the now established incident command, and begin to lay out our lines. There is fire coming from a second story bedroom venting out through the roof and there is fire on the back end of the car at that same corner of the house. Some quick water on the exterior fires and it is off into the house with the fire chief to locate the source of the fire. There is movement of furniture, tearing of ceiling and walls, running of additional lines and relief workers coming in.

I take my relief and exit the structure and man the secondary line on the ground under the fire. The fire again vents at the roof and we hose it down. Just as this latest outburst in the house is dowsed, the car begins to burn again. This time, fire is coming from the gas tank area of the vehicle. I hose down the fire, two other fire fighters break out a window and open the trunk and we are able to extinguish the remaining fire without further incident or explosion.

At the end of almost 3 hours, 1 vehicle is lost and 1 room is decimated. The residents of the house - a man, his wife, and their dog - are safe. All fire fighters are safe. Some may call that fortune. Some may call that luck. Some may even be tempted to call that fate. This preacher/firefighter, however, after praying on the front lines and at the end of a hose, chooses to call that grace.

Grace to Finish a Semester and a Year

1 more Monday and 2 assignments to go ya'll and I will be done with the first semester of my second year at Union Theological Seminary. 28 days and I will officially have a year under my belt as pastor of a youth church.

I've still got my mind and I've still got congregants, and for that I praise God for Amazing, Unquestionable, Ridiculous Grace. Yeah, they ABSOLUTELY all deserve to be capitalized...thanks for asking. lol. I feel like I've spoken enough about school already - if not to whoever's reading this, then certainly to whoever happens to be sitting next to me and asks about my day. So, let's talk about this pastor business.

Man! I've got issues. I'm a minimalist...I like to get by without big committee meetings that inconvenience people by forcing them to be all in one physical space at the same time, but I'm also forgetful, so I don't remember to tell people that I'd like to do away with the meetings and have email/text message check-ins instead. Then, people think that I don't appreciate their efforts or approve of them and would rather do things myself (but they never tell me this, they just act it out) and I get frustrated about having to do everything myself (even though I never investigate this or express myself, I just act it out). Dangit...I'm messy!

I've spent a good portion of my life being a loner (I think the only reason God allows me to date is so I won't continue down this path until the point where I become so consumed with myself that any outside world ceases to exist. HA!) and though I began my life as a reader (I've so slacked off in recent time, I blame it on school which makes the thought of reading altogether unappealing) and was transported to many different worlds by my imagination...the real world, this one we're in...I just don't get it. I don't understand why my young congregants do the things they do. I don't understand why their parents do the things they do. Heck, I don't understand my own human nature sometimes. I am detached, plain and simple. Is it anything but grace that I preach from a woefully distant and inadequate starting point and yet people find some nugget to take away that enriches their lives? Is it anything but God working through me by virtue of his will and my willingness? I spend so much time looking at my limitations: time constraints, quirks and personality deficiencies, an at times less than dedicated life, and the fact that I'm not always as convinced as I give off, that I question more days than is probably safe to admit whether I should be doing this or for how much longer I will be doing it.

If successful sermons and personal growth have not proven to me that I'm in the right place yet (and honestly, that jury is still out for me...and I appreciate the people in my life that let me be honest about my journey), I can at least say that God is prospering me where I am, while I try to hear Him about where I'm going.

Amen. Because that's what you say at the end of each grace.