Grace as process

Ok, so a lot has obviously been written within these pages about the subject of grace (I mean it is the purpose of this whole thing). But recently I've been thinking more and more about the idea of grace as a transformative agent in our lives. What I mean is this: grace is more than just an extension of God's love to us situationally, it is more than just an experience by experience ability granted to us by God to overcome, it is more than just a flash in the pan moment of divine sovreignity that delivers us from...whatever. No, I think that Grace is the power to change. More than that, grace is the time laden process whereby God draws us closer to himself and HIS purpose for our life.

Let's take Saul/Paul for example. Here was a man who rather blatantly and openly persecuted the church of Christ. Scripture is replete with his retelling of how he had a hand in, or often directed the hand that brought about the death of countless believers. Along comes God on a road to what was probably a further inquisition of followers of Christ (yes, the Bible *is* silent about why Saul was going to Damascus, but since he was the chief persecutor, is it really that far of a stretch to believe that's why he was going), and Saul's life becomes radically changed and he begins to espouse the very same things he once ridiculed and sought to destroy. The question becomes, what was grace in that story? It's easy to see how the road to Damascus experience was God stepping into the realm of Paul's existence to confront him with salvation, but what about the times leading up to that? Do the moments when he was part of the attempted destruction of the church count as grace? I would venture to say yes.

What do I mean by that? Paul's persecuting was a part of his story, and it's the reason the latter portion of it is so powerful. Paul's choosing to deny Christ was necessary in order for his ultimate acceptance of Christ to carry its truest and weightiest value. In short, grace was being shown to Paul by allowing him to thumb his nose at what he would ultimately embrace because it could serve as the fuel for his vigor in winning "the lost" to Christ. Sure, the Damascus road was the catalyst, but all the time leading up to that moment would later serve as the fuel to keep the momentary experience going strong and that much more effective.

So, what's my point? Your hard times are grace because they are ultimately a part of a narrative that is much greater than what you currently find yourself mired in. No, that doesn't mean that you should just roll over and accept whatever negative things come your way as being "part of God's plan," but it does mean that you should realize that it is part of a story still unfolding. It has been said that the kingdom of God is "now and still not yet," meaning that God is simultaneously present in our current circumstances as well as the future when those circumstances change because He is outside of time. So look forward, and know that all that we face now is a part of the victory we attain when we take hold of that "prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus."

Pursue. Original. And Merry Christmas.

Weighed Down

I have been weighed down with a ton of thoughts and emotions swirling around during the past 24 hours.

Recently, someone that used to be very close to me (not a former significant other...so don't go there), contacted me with a Christmas card that had nothing more than the preprinted message, their signature, and a phone number. I called the phone number (twice) and there was no answer. I am not sure what I was going to say or ask...I just dialed.

Suffice it to say that this person and I said and did some awful things to one another through the course of our relationship. Many hurts and pains have been experienced on both sides of this relationship.

My question is simple, how do I handle this reconnection with the grace that God has given me for today?

Of course, this question begs dozens of others: How do I practice what I preach (literally)? Do I welcome the individual with open arms neglecting what I know about the past? Do I connect them with my current family with so much lack of detailed information and uncertainty of truth revolving around the past events of their life? Am I being selfish or cautious by not wanting my family connected with wreckage that could come about if history repeats itself? After almost 2 decades of absence, why now? Do I shake the dust off my feet or do I throw a party (speaking figuratively of the Gospels of course)? I could go on ad infinitum...but won't.

Here is all I really know in the moment:

There is no doubt that I have amends to make...
There is no doubt that I have forgiveness to offer...
There is no doubt that grace will guide if I let it...

I wonder what you all do in situations like this. I am quite certain that I am not the only one that has experienced this, so let me know about your encounters with grace through reconciled (or unreconciled) relationships.

I look forward to hearing (reading) your stories of experience, strength and hope...for me, that would be grace enough for today.

The man without fear!!!

A close friend of mine told me yesterday that, among the many thoughts turning around in her head about this coming year and what it would bring, there was a distinct undercurrent of fear. I didn't understand this, so I urged her to continue on. What would she be doing this time next year? Would she be alive? Would she be happy? Would she be closer to God or further away? Would her life be significant? These are all valid questions that I think most people ask (oddly enough, I wouldn't think to ask but 1 of them...and that I ask every day. Bonus points if you can guess which one), but is fear the default position for the people that entertain these questions? I mean...they say that people fear what they do not understand and I guess that makes a degree of sense, but how much really? Why bother being afraid of something (your life) that needs you as much as you need it? Why should life seem threatening when our end means its own as well? If anything, the mystery of life seems to me inviting, albeit challenging.

I realized something about the nature of my fear - I'm not afraid of what I don't know and cannot possibly know. If anything, I'm afraid of what I could know but don't find out, opting instead to be comfortably horrified by whatever "worst possible case" assumptions I make. In other words, I've identified two areas of unknown in my life: that which I could not definitively, completely know, regardless of how hard I tried and those things for which it would cost "too much" to come outside of myself to find out. The latter is crippling: it limits human interaction, stifles praise in the midst of struggle or pain, and enslaves the mind/soul over time. Ugly stuff! So, I think I've found my New Din's resolution: stop feeding the fearful side of not knowing!!! Come outside (of myself) more often!!! Now don't get it twisted! I've no plans of shunning my Christianity to embrace an "open to everything in the world" theology. I'm talking about a purposeful, guided by the Holy Spirit, examination of the things I've done through the years to limit my growth by embracing fear...and then, I'm going to ball them all up and slingshot them out of my life. I want to be a modern day example of what a soul winning Christian looks like without fear. God grant me grace for the journey!!!

As for my friend, yeah, I'm taking her along with me. No one left behind. Ha! Chilly Ciao ya'll.

I Need Grace

The last few months have been very trying for me. It's funny how seeing the very things your heart desires begin to come to pass can bring with it so many opportunities to look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are unseen. I've been busy. Too busy. And I need a break. I need grace. I need space. I just need to be. I want to be really happy right now and share everything about the recording that I just began last week. But, I must admit, I'm weary in soul. Don't get me wrong. My heart and my eyes are fixed on Jesus. It's just that their are many things that are trying to pass before my eyes in an attempt to distract and just flat out blind me. It's just that way right now. But I do know that the grace of our Lord is ever present. Thank You Jesus. 

So I'll take the time the I need and the space that I need. I'll use my imagination and travel back to the Adriatic Sea and once again let the Lord restore my soul. I'll trust Him to help me to once again love the ones that around me with the same passion that I'm being loved with. 

Be not weary in well doing for in due season you shall reap if you faint not. Let it be so.

Kelbert

Grace in Provision

My wife got laid off from her job today...I am not sure that either of us are completely surprised. I am sure that the timing is awful (a ministry organization laying off 2 weeks before Christmas?), but there really is no great time to be laid off.

It is interesting to me that this is the second time that we have faced this issue since our arrival in East Texas almost 4 years ago. Did we not learn what we were supposed to the last time (read this with some sarcasm)? I don't know. Thankfully, we have a roof over our heads, a freezer full of food, our Christmas shopping is done (and paid for I might add!), and we still have some income coming in.

So, just for today, grace is in God's provision right here, right now...and in the hope of God's continual provision. God really is good, all the time and all the time, God really is good.

Safe Again

At 5:33 a.m. this morning, there were several flashes of lightning that lit up the house, turning dark ever so briefly into daylight. Accompanying the light show that was over and around us was the roaring clap of thunder...a sound so loud and so close that it literally awoke me from a dead sleep and rattled the very walls of the house where we live.

Moments later the pager goes off. What is it this time? A wreck? A downed tree? I fumble for the pager and push the button to discover that the light show that we had just participated in had left its mark on a house just up the road. Dressed and out the door, I make the short half mile drive to our station #1 and suit up.

Our station and the engine that I am on are the first on the scene. We do our initial check, check in with the now established incident command, and begin to lay out our lines. There is fire coming from a second story bedroom venting out through the roof and there is fire on the back end of the car at that same corner of the house. Some quick water on the exterior fires and it is off into the house with the fire chief to locate the source of the fire. There is movement of furniture, tearing of ceiling and walls, running of additional lines and relief workers coming in.

I take my relief and exit the structure and man the secondary line on the ground under the fire. The fire again vents at the roof and we hose it down. Just as this latest outburst in the house is dowsed, the car begins to burn again. This time, fire is coming from the gas tank area of the vehicle. I hose down the fire, two other fire fighters break out a window and open the trunk and we are able to extinguish the remaining fire without further incident or explosion.

At the end of almost 3 hours, 1 vehicle is lost and 1 room is decimated. The residents of the house - a man, his wife, and their dog - are safe. All fire fighters are safe. Some may call that fortune. Some may call that luck. Some may even be tempted to call that fate. This preacher/firefighter, however, after praying on the front lines and at the end of a hose, chooses to call that grace.

Grace to Finish a Semester and a Year

1 more Monday and 2 assignments to go ya'll and I will be done with the first semester of my second year at Union Theological Seminary. 28 days and I will officially have a year under my belt as pastor of a youth church.

I've still got my mind and I've still got congregants, and for that I praise God for Amazing, Unquestionable, Ridiculous Grace. Yeah, they ABSOLUTELY all deserve to be capitalized...thanks for asking. lol. I feel like I've spoken enough about school already - if not to whoever's reading this, then certainly to whoever happens to be sitting next to me and asks about my day. So, let's talk about this pastor business.

Man! I've got issues. I'm a minimalist...I like to get by without big committee meetings that inconvenience people by forcing them to be all in one physical space at the same time, but I'm also forgetful, so I don't remember to tell people that I'd like to do away with the meetings and have email/text message check-ins instead. Then, people think that I don't appreciate their efforts or approve of them and would rather do things myself (but they never tell me this, they just act it out) and I get frustrated about having to do everything myself (even though I never investigate this or express myself, I just act it out). Dangit...I'm messy!

I've spent a good portion of my life being a loner (I think the only reason God allows me to date is so I won't continue down this path until the point where I become so consumed with myself that any outside world ceases to exist. HA!) and though I began my life as a reader (I've so slacked off in recent time, I blame it on school which makes the thought of reading altogether unappealing) and was transported to many different worlds by my imagination...the real world, this one we're in...I just don't get it. I don't understand why my young congregants do the things they do. I don't understand why their parents do the things they do. Heck, I don't understand my own human nature sometimes. I am detached, plain and simple. Is it anything but grace that I preach from a woefully distant and inadequate starting point and yet people find some nugget to take away that enriches their lives? Is it anything but God working through me by virtue of his will and my willingness? I spend so much time looking at my limitations: time constraints, quirks and personality deficiencies, an at times less than dedicated life, and the fact that I'm not always as convinced as I give off, that I question more days than is probably safe to admit whether I should be doing this or for how much longer I will be doing it.

If successful sermons and personal growth have not proven to me that I'm in the right place yet (and honestly, that jury is still out for me...and I appreciate the people in my life that let me be honest about my journey), I can at least say that God is prospering me where I am, while I try to hear Him about where I'm going.

Amen. Because that's what you say at the end of each grace.

The obligatory quasi-thanksgiving post

So, it's Thanksgiving. This is the time when family from all over the country and for some the world (not me, but some people I'm sure) get together and pretend to be close for the sake of a dead bird and some rolls. Did that sound hateful to anyone besides me? Digression stops now...

So, I'm in Florida visiting my mother. To be honest, I was not initially excited about the prospect of spending several days in the Sunshine State. It has nothing to do with being around my mother (no hidden stories there), it was more so the lack of most of the rest of my family. I mean, both sisters declined to come for different reasons, and as far as I knew it would be me, my mom, and a bunch of people from her church. That meant there would be a lot of, "oh you're Leslie's son- you look just like her," and "what do you do" statements and questions that would get annoying after a while. Why? Because the answers to the questions of what I'm doing are difficult at best. By most standards I am not doing much right now. Especially not in comparison to the rest of my family. I have one sister faithfully serving her country in the Navy, having just finished her first tour of duty on board the USS Ronald Reagan, one sister who is a successful Personal Assistant to the CEO and project manager for one of the best creative services firms in the world with several very well known and world renowned clients, one brother who is a director of development for a museum in Connecticut, and one brother who no one seems to be able to track down. In all, I sometimes feel black sheepish.

The irony of that is the fact that I was always looked at as if I would be the breakout kid from the family. It was never questioned that I'd be successful (whatever that actually means), speaking in front of many and starting something sure to stand the test of time. But, instead I find myself working at a restaurant, selling entertainment services, and still not sure what I want to do with my life at 27 years old. Some might call it a desert, I just call it life right now.

So, where is grace in the midst of this? Grace is in its pursuit . That sounds cyclical and confusing, I know- let me explain. These past several years have taught me to appreciate the smaller things and ways God chooses to smile on me and to not always look for the most exorbitant expressions of God's favor or His grace. A beautiful day is proof that God is still on the throne, rain while driving with my top down is proof that God still has a sense of humor, and the girl God has placed in my life is a sure sign that we do so often get what we don't deserve. Though I am still very much in pursuit of purpose, the fact that I have the wherewithal to be in that pursuit is a regular expression of God's grace, strength, and joy to me. I have no idea what tomorrow holds for me, or what I'll do 5 weeks from now, but somehow that is strangely liberating. It gives me the ability to really grab ahold of the scripture that tells me to not worry about tomorrow because it will take care of itself. And though sometimes it doesn't seem as if tomorrow is taking care of itself there is still the peace in seeing God's faithfulness when I think it shouldn't be there. It is very easy to get lost in the idea that success is measured by status and what we do, but the ability to see God's hand at work is more a sign of success than any accolade I could achieve or any career path I could follow because it hopefully means that others are being touched along the way, and that is ultimately what it's all about.

Happy Thanksgiving folks. I hope that made sense to people besides me.

Burning Grace

There is a line in the movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry where the two fire fighters say to each other on the way into a burning building, "Going in alive and coming out the same." I love that line!

Today, after almost 3 weeks without a legitimate fire call (there were medical and other calls), our department got paged out to a structure fire. Being in a small town (322 people to be exact) and it being the middle of the work day during the week, there was only a captain and myself that originally responded to that structure fire.

The bunker gear was on, the sirens were blaring, and I was somewhere deep in my mind repeating that line...o.k. God, going in alive and coming out the same. It is a little culturally relevant prayer ritual that has become standard in my approaches to these very serious fires.

The captain and I were the first on the scene, but because there were only two of us we could not mount an interior attack on the fire. So we dropped a 1.5" line and began to protect the exposure of the house and fight the fire that had crept into the roof (a trash fire had burned a shed to the ground and had started the house on fire).

We had put 500 gallons of water on the fire when the hose began to drizzle and an engine arrived with another 500 gallons from another department. One truck got hooked up to the other and we continued pumping. When that truck was out, it went back to the station to get more water (in the mean time, the captain had been paging out for additional personnel and water). Well into our endeavors, other trucks and departments started showing up. I moved from the engine to a grass rig to get the fire under control in the surrounding wooded area, then returned to the engine that had been filled once again to put more water on the house and begin to eliminate the remaining hot spots.

Additional personnel showed up all through the second hour and they mounted an inside attack and a roof attack. Within the next 30 minutes the crews were doing overhaul and I was off the front lines after over 2 hours of fire fighting (except for a very brief earlier break where I had a bottle of water and tweeted---mainly to let my wife in California know that I was alright).

Maybe it is a bit naive on my part (or quirky, or idealistic), but today God's grace was a burning grace where we went in alive and came back the same!

This fire was more than 10 miles from our nearest station and there was no loss of life, no injury (fire fighter nor resident), and while the shed next to the house burned to the ground, more than 70% of the house was saved (the bedroom that caught first from the shed was toast---as was the roof above it, but save some smoke and water damage, the living, dining, kitchen, and master bed and bath areas were saved). Insurance may or may not agree with our success, but we chalk this one up as a win...and just for today, I am grateful for that burning grace!

Grace for Church Leaders

Sometimes being a pastor is not all it is cracked up to be. We get the opportunity to see people at their very best and at their very worst. Likewise, we live in fish bowls where others get to see our very best and very worst (especially when the parsonage - preacher's house) is in the church parking lot!

There are hours, days, weeks and even months sometimes that are trying and frustrating, when it can appear that nothing good is coming from your work. Our church is currently going through such a time. We have reorganized the leadership of the church, rewritten our mission, vision and core values. We have sought to live into our relationship with Jesus and in that process have encountered resistance to some of the changes.

Some days feel like I am running into a brick wall with nothing to show for our efforts but bruises and scratches. And it is in those places that grace shows up in the strangest ways.

The other evening was just such an occasion. We had just finished an evangelism meeting and the chair came up to me and told me that she was going to miss me when I was gone (the Methodist church moves their pastors around and I will most likely be moving in June)...she continued to tell me that I am ornery, passionate, and energetic and that I have been exactly what this congregation has needed (you take those to mean what you think, I take them as very high complements). These words are a great comfort...especially after times for people questioning vision and direction of the church.

I say all this to say that grace isn't just a one time saving event. Often in my life the grace that sustains me...the grace that gives me the perseverance and strength to go on...comes from the people that God places in my life (even if only for a moment).

How has God used people in your life to reveal grace?

Lunch

I don't know that any of this will make sense...you have been warned. lalb (laughing a little bit)

Grace for me - today - is a grilled chicken caesar salad and an iced caramel latte, extra sweet with whipped cream.

What I mean is, grace is given to me in the form of free time I have to passively do things I like while actively thinking about things I don't understand.

Seminary is trying to rip me ya'll. Not even nicely or neatly - like in halves or something manageable like that. Seminary is trying to gruesomely dismember me with the intent of making my entrance into heaven questionable - like into so many misshapen pieces that God won't recognize me. Sorry if that's graphic...I was a Frank Miller fan in a former chapter of my life (a really short chapter though, so you can read the rest of the blog with no worries).

But this is why I went, right? To be challenged? Accursed masochistic tendencies!!! I'm having a lot of things trimmed away and I find myself struggling to hold on to the 1 or 2 essential immovable objects of my faith. I feel a little pathetic at times - beaten, even traitorous - that of all the things I've been told over the course of my Christian life, I cannot state them ALL with confidence and conviction.

Let me not give school that much authority...if it were all that I had to do, I would kick its tail in all manner of ways that are unbecoming for a Christian to detail aka the sort that would make Frank Miller fans shudder. It's really just the focal point of a web of influences that are stretching and prodding me. 25, pastor, Black man, dating, man of the house, example, and all around "it" guy. I mean, I have communities watching me to see what I will become...people that need me to be okay in order for them to be...and young folks who only have one more time in their heart to be let down by a leader, and I'm it. It's a whole 'nother ball game to HAVE to learn to give things to God because there's no other choice - when there are words of struggle and uncertainty that could never pass from my lips to the ears of people around me, who need me to be something solid.

So now we come back to seminary, the fortunate beast that gets to battle me in a weakened and distracted state. If it wins, I become more uncertain, and so discouraged that I'll never become what my community needs. But if I am to win, I've got to forsake some of my responsibilities to the community right now - not stretch myself as thin - for the purpose of maintaining focus and faith. My 1 or 2 essentials of faith have proven themselves incredibly powerful, able to fend off unsound doctrines and the sheer bully tactics of groupthink, so it's really a matter of pressing on and adding more essentials to my arsenal without losing the communities I'm doing all of this to, one day, be able to serve.

So, in all of these things to consider, it's my inability to turn my day off and THINK that has me all frazzled. So, for me to be at my wit's end and to be gifted with a rainy New York Thursday afternoon where I can sip an iced latte and munch on chicken, lettuce and croutons - that's my evidence of a personal savior who knows exactly what my soul is craving. I guess I'm done now. Ciao.

Initial Thoughts - Part II

...spoiler alert...If you have not yet read part one, I would invite you to wait to read this until you have read the first installment!...

I want to take the last moments that I have to tell you about today.

Let me ask you a question, who do you see in front of you? Is it a man that has succeeded? Is it a gifted teacher? Is it a decent speaker? Is it someone that you can, would or do call friend? Is it your brother? Is it a member of your family? Who is it that stands in front of you today?

The man that stands in front of you today is a man by the name of Russell Hall. And it is only in recent years that this person could be considered a man at all. You ask yourself if there is still grace for me…you ask if there is enough mercy to go around…you ask if there is enough grace not just to save but is there enough to sustain…even when I am at my lowest of lows? I am here to tell you emphatically yes!

Let me give you a few of the highlights of a life that is bathed in mercy and grace. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict…I am a recovering criminal…in some ways I am still recovering from my first marriage…I have recovered from being unemployable…I am daily recovering from my own pride and arrogance.

I was born in November of 1969 into a rough and sordid situation. I spent several of the first years of my life living with my grandparents in Ohio. I was sent to church with some regularity until I was given the decision on whether or not I wanted to go anymore. Since I had already started drinking and smoking pot, I figured I had better things to do on Sunday mornings than going to church. I drank alcoholically and used addictively from the word go. I left home at an early age and wouldn’t return for over a decade. At 17, I showed up to the local bus barn drunk and unable to go to the competition that I was scheduled to go to…that event cost me a four year full ride scholarship to a college of my choice. The years to come would find me in and out of jails and institutions for everything from shoplifting and hot check writing to, public intoxication and traffic violations and more. I have seen the inside of both the new and the old county jails. I have seen the inside of the cells at the U.S. Marshall’s facility and an FBI facility here in Houston. I have been a guest at the majority of the city jails including those at West Side Command, downtown, and Mykawa. I know what it is like to be hospitalized, to go through charcoal treatments and stomach pumpings. I know what it is like to live in unpowered and unwatered shacks in the middle of the wards. I know what it is like to live on the run. In spite of all of these things, I also know what it is like to succeed by the world’s definition. Though I always brought the house of cards back down around me, I always seemed to find ways to get it re-erected. I have survived car wrecks, fights and life, when many times I shouldn’t have. I have violated my moral, social, ethical and spiritual integrity in more ways than I care to recount.

Yet I stand here today and invite you to examine the Gospel Truth…I stand here today and invite you into a life of grace and mercy. What does my story have to do with God and his promise of mercy and grace through Christ? I’ll tell you. On Easter Sunday, 1998 I rededicated my life to Christ. Having never been baptized in my youth, I took a second step and was baptized a few months later. The last decade of my life has been a trip to say the very least. By God’s grace I have been clean and sober since June 5th of 1997. In the fall of 1999, I had completed all of my required obligations and was released from state observation. Two months later, I was finally off of federal paper…my time had been served. I began to get really plugged into my home church and discovered that God had placed some very special gifts in me. I have been blessed to teach and work with thousands of people both in and out of recovery and in and out of church over the last decade. At the ripe old age of 30, feeling a call into ordained ministry, I decided that it was time for me to get that college education I had lost 13 years earlier. God placed in my life a man and an organization that has help pay for my last eight years of college…giving me back the scholarship I had thrown away years before, plus much, much more. After sobering up and losing my good paying job and then being unemployed for several months, God has provided continuous employment for almost a decade. After a failed marriage and numerous other failed relationships, God has blessed me with a Godly and beautiful wife that encompasses everything I ever wanted, yet never knew to ask for. After showing up more than 10 years ago weighing in at 118 pounds when I entered treatment, I am now healthier than I have probably been in a long while and have gained 64 pounds. After frying my septum and much of my brain (so I thought), God has blessed me with the ability to still hold my own in school. After losing everything more times than I can count, my wife and I have a home and a family and everything that we need. After almost 15 years of separation from my step dad, we now have a relationship that we always wanted, but couldn’t seem to develop when I was younger. Instead of a family of origin, God has blessed me with a family of choice. Where once I had marks I now have friends. Where once I had utility, I now have love.

None of this happened with out the grace and mercy of God. By all accounts I should have received death, but God had mercy on me, a sinner. By all accounts I should have been lost, but God relentlessly pursued me to the ends of the earth.

I tell you this because God is still God. He is still in the business of grace and mercy. There is enough grace and mercy not only to save, but also to sustain. The Gospel is the same for each of us today as it was for the adulterous woman long ago. And that is the Gospel Truth!

I share all this with you because this is the way that God has shown me just how scandalous mercy and grace are. I share all this (here and with those I minister to) because I once heard my story in someone else's and once found hope for mercy and grace in my life by witnessing God's mercy and grace at work in others. I share this because my experience with God is the only authority I have to witness to others. I share this because it is imperative for my own authenticity and integrity.

I hope and pray that in sharing this with you, I have somehow opened a door for authentic conversations, searching with integrity, and radical transformation. I look forward to this journey together as we seek mercy and grace in the most unexpected places.

Thanks D-Man for the opportunity and the privilege!

Shalom,

Russell

Some Intitial Thoughts - Part One

Perhaps the best insight that I have ever had regarding mercy and grace came to me one of the first times I was asked to preach at my home church almost 10 years ago. I preached a sermon entitled The Gospel Truth. In order that you might get to know the real me, and more fully understand why I do what I do and why I am who I am, I thought that as an introduction to this blog, I would share that sermon with you.

I have done this in two parts to help break up the length just a little (whatever you do, read both parts!). I hope and pray that these contributions will speak to you in the deepest part of your being about grace and mercy.

Title: The Gospel Truth

Scripture: John 8:1-11

It has been said that Christianity is predominately a religion of mercy and grace. And while I believe this to be true, I also think that these terms are over-used, not well understood and sometimes not really believed. We use the words with great regularity, but rarely think about what they mean.

In his book, What’s so Amazing About Grace, Phillip Yancy points out that part of our problem is in the nature of grace itself. Grace is scandalous. Grace is hard to accept, hard to believe, and even harder to receive. Grace shocks us at what it has to offer. Grace is truly not of this world. It frightens us with what it does for sinners.

Grace teaches us that God does for others what we would never do for them. We would maybe save the not-so-bad, but God starts with the prostitutes and works downward from there. Simply put, grace is a gift that costs everything to the giver and nothing to the receiver. It is given to those who don’t deserve it, barely recognize it, and hardly appreciate it. That is why God alone gets the glory in our salvation, we didn’t do anything to get it…Jesus did all of the work on the cross.

In the end grace means that no one is too bad to be saved. You might even say that God specializes in saving bad people. God’s grace is always greater than our sin.

Grace can also make it difficult for some to be saved. While God’s grace is available to everyone, we must recognize our need for it and respond to him with acceptance of it.

But what about mercy? I think that mercy is just as scandalous as grace. In fact I would go so far as to say that you can’t have one without the other. They are fraternal twins, if you will.

The best explanation that I have ever seen or heard about the distinction between mercy and grace actually comes out of my wife’s study bible. Simply put, to receive grace is to receive a gift that we can not earn and do not deserve. Mercy is not receiving what we do deserve.

Think about that for a minute, while I repeat it: Grace is a gift that we cannot earn and do not deserve; while mercy is not receiving what we do deserve.

With these things in mind, I want to turn back to our scripture lesson this morning. What do you think of when you hear today’s scripture? What questions come to mind?

My first question is how many sins did the Pharisees and the teachers of the law have to commit in order to catch this woman red-handed in adultery?

My second question is where is the man?

A third question might be what was Jesus writing in the dirt?

As interesting as these questions may be to me and to others, I am not sure that the answers to these questions would shed a great deal more light on the story.

Before we go much further, let me be sure that we are on the same page. I want you to rethink the scene that is being described for us. However the accusers came about their information, they have discovered this woman and pulled her away from her affair. If she was able to replace any clothing, it was probably torn and tattered in her removal from the scene. With her garments ripped and dangling at her waist, she is pushed and shoved with staffs and forearms toward the place where Jesus is teaching. She is led into broad daylight naked and humiliated. Onlookers begin to shout out criticisms and names. She is spat on and has dirt thrown at her. She has been publicly shamed while tears of regret stream down her face. She is led through the street to the temple courts where the other women are left outside and she is placed on display in front of a group made up entirely of men.

Now the accusers state their case to Jesus. They insist that stoning is the proper thing to do based on the Law of Moses. After all, there were at least 11 offenses---adultery included---that were punishable by death---even by stoning. It is at this point that one of the most remarkable things in scripture happens. Right now, at this very moment, Jesus changes his position. He steps down, if you will, from his place of teaching and his place of judgment, taking on the poster of a servant, and writes in the dirt. He doesn’t look at the woman, but instead continues to write. The accusers are persistent. When Jesus finally does change his position again, when he goes from servant to teacher and from slave to judge, it is not the woman that he addresses. Instead it is the accusers.

He tells them if there is even one among you that may have not sinned, go ahead throw the first stone…then the rest will be free to follow. Once Jesus has said his peace, he returns to his more servant like position and resumes writing in the dirt. A teacher and judge that has risen to the occasion not by judging the hurt, the broken and the lost, but has instead passed judgment on the accusers.

The crowd of men, that had been standing there poised with stones in hand ready to act, began to drop their stones and leave. One by one the crowd thins. First the wise elders are convicted of their own sin and are forced to recognize their inadequacy to punish the woman. Then slowly everyone else disappears until there is no one left except Jesus and the woman. Jesus stands again, taking his rightful position as teacher and judge. It is at this point that he addresses the woman for the first time. “Where are your accusers? Have none condemned you?”

Not believing her eyes or her ears she whimpers, “No one, sir.”

Then Jesus says to her, “then neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more”

It is at this place in Scripture that we come face to face with the Gospel Truth. After all, here is a woman that according to law should have received death by stoning. But Jesus grants her mercy in that she did not receive what she really deserved. Here is a woman that has done everything to un-earn the right to stand before God by disobeying his commandments, yet Jesus has granted her grace...she is granted redemption and restoration…gifts of grace that she did not earn, but received nonetheless.

You see, the Gospel Truth is not about judgment, it is about mercy. The Gospel Truth is not about condemnation, it is about grace. The Gospel Truth is not about legalism and the following of rules, it is about relationship. The Gospel Truth is not about information, it is about transformation.

Time and time again, scripture tells us of this truth. Time and time again, scripture cries out the good news.

We read of toll collectors and fisherman with tempers becoming disciples. We read of a religious persecutor by the name of Saul becoming God’s messenger to the gentiles. We read of men and women that have been cast aside because of illnesses or life choices that have been restored in their relationship with God and those around them. And the list goes on.

For many of us this is not new news. When we came to acknowledge Christ as the Lord of our lives, we understood about the mercy and the saving grace of the cross. For others of us, it might have been good to hear this story…for we have found ourselves in similar trouble. Hounded by our accusers, convicted of sin, desperate with no where to turn…and now, out of no where comes real hope. That hope is the promise that this same mercy and this same grace is still available for all of us today.

But what about those of us that may not remember…maybe we are too far removed from that saving grace experience. Maybe we are facing trouble and turmoil in our lives…maybe we are facing uncertainty or loss. What about grace and what about mercy for people like us?

Maybe you are in a place where you can relate to Paul’s words in Romans 7:15-17 which say, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.”

We must remember that even with Paul’s thorn, he still believed in the Gospel Truth…he still believed in mercy and grace. In Romans 8:38-39 he wrote, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The adulterous woman understood the Gospel Truth. Paul understood the Gospel Truth. But what about us? What do we understand about the Gospel Truth? You may be thinking, that this is all fine and dandy…these are some great stories and some great points, but the information that you have presented to us thus far is almost 2000 years old. What about today? What about the struggles that I am having? What about the loss that I am facing? What about today?

Stay tuned for the second part of the sermon and the answers to some of these questions!

Peace,

Russell

God in the CommonPlace

I've been struggling all day with this whole idea of finding God and subsequently Grace in the common places of our lives. And to be frank, I'm still struggling. I can't promise that any necessary conclusion will emerge at the end of this one, perhaps just more frustrated questions.

So, yeah. In case you don't know, the past 4 years for me have been one big struggle. At the beginning I thought I was taking steps (sometimes seemingly drastic) that were in line with what God wanted me to do with my life, even if I didn't always see how one led to that as yet undefined purpose. I made bold leaps of faith and just stuck to my guns, knowing God would meet me on the other side of the leap. The answered prayers/desire to know purpose would be my proverbial pot of gold at the end of an occasionally muted technicolor rainbow. But I'm not so sure anymore. Is it possible to have consistently missed purpose by accident? Is it reasonable to believe that even in my attempts to do right, I have veered so drastically off course that my purpose lays at the (metaphorical) place where I first started to turn? Many times I have said to others that God's grace is big enough to cover our successes and the failures we pursued because we believed they would lead us to future successes (circular logic anyone).

I have to hope that's true. Because all around me, I see successes and destinies unfolding before people that I have eaten with, laughed with, cried with, fought with, and joked with- but not yet for me. I'm not sure if I'm necessarily waiting for an "aha!" moment, when everything falls neatly into place, but at least a gentle dawning or an "ahhh..." would be nice right about now. I'd at least like to see tomorrow coming, instead of the seemingly interminable cycle of sameness that is my ever present today. So, what's my conclusion? I guess it's just to keep hoping because right about now that's all I have left. Hope in a future, hope in an established end, hope that "He who began a good work in me," really does have an established end...somewhere. Soon.

Pursue. Original.

Once Again

This is a quick one. 

So I'm just minding my own business right? I just finished eating a pancake, drinking a french press cup of coffee, and thinking about life. Actually, I've been thinking about Jennifer Hudson a lot this weekend and praying for her. Side note. You know, one might think that she is really in need of the grace of God at this moment. I mean I don't think many of us would even dare to imagine what life would be like given the circumstances that she has been forced to accept these past few days. But here's what I think. Though her earthly situation is as crazy as any I've heard of, the grace that's been extended to her from the Father is from the same place that He has extended grace to me today to go to work and sell rugs. By that I mean, His love is so amazingly unconditional that even the darkest days on earth don't move Him to extended special graces and mercies towards us. His love is so complete that in all things and through all things He gives graciously to us everything that pertains to this life and to Godliness without measure. He's as interested in me having the favor to sell a rug as He is in her looking to Him to be the comforter during this dark day for her. And He's provided equally to both of us the ability to make that happen. It may seem unfair to our carnal way of thinking. But of course He doesn't think like you and I do. His is an unconditional love. I hope that makes sense. 

Anyway, back to my pancakes and coffee. I complete my breakfast, check my Facebook, read a very interesting note by one of my friends that I haven't decided yet what I think about it, and then out of nowhere, a dawning comes. By that I mean, I am just aware all over again that God loves me. And when I walk out my front door this morning, I'm going into the world clothed with Grace and empowered by His love. I'm just amazed once again. And I just thought I'd share it. 

A guy in love with Grace.

Grace?

So, you know how (or maybe you don't) you start off in a new church and you don't know anybody? You're cool with that though because church hasn't become a social place for you yet. You're only going Sunday after Sunday because everytime you come, you feel right. People start noticing that you can do incredible things...like read, speak English and smile...and then all the requests start coming in: pray for this, preach at that, motivational speak and uplift them, etc.

Whereas before you were just an unknown, now you feel like an outcast. With the hopes and the eyes of a community on you, every word speaks of your incredible potential and declares that you are capable of things that kids aren't used to hearing. To those for whom this is not autobiographical, think Obama-nia x 40 and then scaled down to loosely fit a 13 year old.

Things start to get heavy and really grown and maybe you just want to fit in because you didn't plan on being "the different one" forever. So, you try to do things with the cool kids, but they won't let you. You're FAR too insulted and insecure to see that they're trying to preserve that special thing about you that would only be tainted by "cool kid activities." You'll never really make it to "cool kid" status. Even if you get where they were and do what they do, you'll lack the comfort in it that they possessed, which is what really made them cool in the first place.

Whatever the case, you'll probably never get there...but you will take your eye off of your special-ness...your "God is my BEST friend and a character like Christ's is my only aspiration" sentiments...and all that jazz. Good things will happen that will make you feel safe in your dismissal. Bad things will happen that will make you latch onto something - sometimes the God you dismissed, sometimes the stuff you picked up during that weird phase of in-betweeness...Jesus Freak - Cool Kid...Jesus Freak - Cool Kid...Jesus Fr...

Then one day, you'll wake up, realizing it's not good things and bad things - it's LIFE and you are completely incapable of doing it (much less, thriving in it) using the stuff you took. You've got to revert to what you were GIVEN. That relationship with God that made you alright with being the kid nobody knew. That "imaginary friend" conception of God where He was always right next to you, but the people looking only saw you.

Grace might be like God having an extraordinary amount of patience in playing hide and go seek with me, knowing where I'm hiding every time, but letting me think I'm hidden because simply believing I have ability is so key to my personal development. Then, when I've grown up and I've tired of seeing what things I can do just for the sake of doing them, God will play another game with me where I can develop, prayerfully, without wasting so much time trying to hide.

First Grace, then Love.

Grace, a divine virtue that we encounter daily, is by the most basic of definitions, the "freely given, undeserved favor of God".

Upon Damany’s approach with this blog proposal, I began to think about all of the areas in which the Lord has graciously saved me out of my own my muck and mire, my filthy circumstances where I’ve ended up at the bottom of a pit once again. I became overwhelmed, realizing how unworthy I am of His grace.

When I think about grace shown in the Bible, I’ve noticed that those to whom much grace [and forgiveness] was shown, they, in turn, loved much. I, too, relate to this most recently as I have been shown more grace in the last few months as I had fallen into the deepest “pit” of my life. Through the grace shown by the Lord, I have received new revelations of God’s character and of His love. As I’ve encountered Him, I am in a far better place than I was in the beginning. And my love has grown. I would not understand certain aspects of His character as I do now because He has revealed Himself to me--first and foremost--by His grace.

So what’s the point of this? As these posts continue, in the “in’s and out’s” of our lives, one will see where we fall and where we stand up again; one will eye-witness accounts of where God has given us far greater than we deserve.

We're all stumbling towards the light with varying degrees of grace at any given moment. –Bo Lozoff

The Gift of Grace

Let me begin by saying that I'm so excited to take part in this blog. Thanks Damany for the invite. 

Grace is something that has wowed me for quite some time now. It's one of the most beautiful manifestations of the love God that I've experienced. For so long, it was just another one of those words learned in church that lacked reality. In fact, it seemed to me to be kind of a wimpy word. You know what I mean? It was always one of those "I feel sorry for you so here you go" words. It's meaning, to me, lacked soul, compassion, and emotion. It would be like someone saw me drowning, threw me a life jacket, and then after rescuing me, let out the biggest exhale as if to say "that was more work than necessary but, whatever." I think you get what I mean. I'm not sure why I had that image of grace in my mind but there it was. But needless to say, a day came when light begin to pierce this dark, gross concept I had of this most beautiful gift and for that day, I'm thankful.

So I thought I would begin my contribution to this blog by sharing a few of my thoughts on grace. And if I'm not mistaken, no one likes to read a long blog so this just may have to come in a few parts. I've come to see grace as a gift from God. And this particular gift speaks more of the giver than the receiver. I mean we really were not fit to receive any type of gift whatsoever. And most people think that even where a gift is concerned, something should be done to receive the gift. You know this by hearing people say things like "You shouldn't have" or "what did I do to deserve this?" Well, if you did something to deserve the gift then it wouldn't be a gift. It would simply be a reward. That's not what grace is. It definitely is a gift. 

Grace is this amazing expression of the unconditional love of a Father who wanted to gift us with a way of escape. And this way of escape isn't just a one time occurrence. This gift of grace is constant yet new each day. It accompanies us through out our day. It causes things to happen to us that we never deserve. In fact, we deserve the very opposite of what we have. In our English language, a word that better describes grace is the word favor. It's defined as an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual. That's what this gift is. It's God showering us with unusual goodness. Not because we deserve it. But because He is so very good and so very kind. 

I think that's enough to start out this wonderful discussion and discovery of this most beautiful gift. Let's get into it more a little later and see where it takes us. I promise to not be all teacher guy all the time. But I'm really passionate about helping others walk in the fullness of this expression of love. So bear with me. And the good thing about this blog is that their are other writers you might connect with more. So there you have it. I'll just be me. A guy in love with Grace. 

 

Who We Are

I have tried seemingly 900 times to start this post and always end up staring at a blank page. So, instead allow me to introduce you to the authors of this blog.

Russell Hall is a Methodist Pastor based out of East Texas. Author of the “Radically Altered” blog, he is one of the most realistically spiritual people I know. What do I mean by “realistically spiritual?” Russell has a knack for taking the issues of faith and Christ and making you think about them when previously you were content to live in your ignorance. I had the good fortune to live with Russell and his lovely wife Erica for several months during a rough patch of my life. Their grace, hospitality and willingness to extend themselves beyond what was necessary for anyone in that situation showed me the love of Christ in a way that I had not previously imagined or comprehended. His posts about everything ranging from the role of the Church to the existence of evil and the Devil have kept me theologically on my toes for several months now since his entrance into the blogosphere. I also say nice things about him because he’s a hunter and could kill me from about 200 paces…

Din (pronounced Dean) Tolbert is one of the greatest and godliest men I know. He also happens to be my cousin. For well over a decade, we grew up in the same house together, his family occupying the two floors upstairs, and mine the two downstairs. We have a host of stories about each other that I hope never make their way into either of our blogs because I’m not entirely sure our parents know about all of them yet and they might be reading (remember that Din). He towers above most crowds at 6’8” and played collegiate Division 1 basketball for a while, attending Cornell University on an academic scholarship. This also makes him one of the smartest guys I know. His willingness to confront the weightier and “headier” theological issues and to present them in such a way that is both poetic and beautiful, while remaining challenging and difficult to escape is just one of the many reasons why I’m glad to have him in my family, and as an author on this blog. A licensed minister of the AME church, Din is also the youth pastor at The Greater Allen AME Cathedral, one of New York City’s most historic and well known churches.

Brittany Loose (Boose to her friends) is a friend I have had the privilege of growing to know for the past couple of years as I have become better and better friends with her brother. She’s a writer (briniloo.wordpress.com), questioner, wrestler with the hard things, and a sweet spirit whose sole goal and aim is to connect with what God has for her to do during the time she has on this earth. Her writing is honest, frank, and she is ever willing to confront the realities of that which she doesn’t understand or that which God is showing her and to do it in such a way that helps us to walk through it with her until we all come out on the other side better for the journey.

Kelbert McFarland (http://www.kelbertmcfarland.com/) is personally one of my favorite people in the whole world. A gifted song writer, and by default- poet, Kelbert’s revelations on the love and mercy of God have led me through some of the most difficult times of my life many times over. One of his greatest desires is to see the Church come back to the full glory that God has intended for it, where our singular aim is to lift up the name of our creator and to make His love known throughout the world. His unwavering commitment to “just Jesus, nothing else” has become the battle cry for many of the people that his life has touched through the weekly worship and bible study gatherings he hosts in Tulsa. An ordained minister, Kelbert is in many ways my pastor, and my brother (we even share the same birthday).

Laura Cooke is the Director of Worship at Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma. A friend for several years, Laura is the quintessential Bohemian. She is a talented singer and extremely gifted songwriter, and her writing is some of the most hilarious and honest I have read in quite some time. I warn you, be careful where you read what she writes because public places where laughter is discouraged might prove to be problematic. I regularly wonder how Laura is able to squeeze from every moment of life a lesson, but am overjoyed that she does because it’s hilarious and I learn something every time.

My name is Damany. I am a 27 year old guy who has been on a journey for the past several years that I would best describe as difficult. It’s included joblessness, homelessness, despondency, joy, ecstasy and contentment. It has shown me that peace is not a manufactured contrivance of the mind, but something that only truly comes from God. I have had the privilege to learn much from the people listed above, and a host of others too numerous to list. It is my hope that our honest approach to the world around us, rife with difficulty and pain, grief and joy, mountaintops and valleys is what enables the world around us to want to know more about the God we love and serve-in every circumstance.